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Attachment Parenting -
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For adoptive parents, especially, it is a process that will take time and daily care to establish that bond.
The affects on your adoptive child and yourself can vary based upon how old the child is when adopted and how much knowledge that you have about the child's life before the adoption.
If your child has been abused or neglected in some way, this will make the bonding process more challenging. There is no reason, however, that a bond cannot be formed between your adopted child and yourself as long as you are well informed and take advantage of all the resources available.
Here is a list of tips for dealing with attachment parenting issues for an adoptive parent.
1. Child Cries Often
Respond to your child's cries and needs in a timely manner, this will go a long way to establishing a close bond with them. Hold your new child and cuddle.
If they are older, talk with them while cuddling.
* My girls were with me 24/7 from the time they were in foster care with us. It wasn’t until they were completely bonded with me that I felt comfortable putting them in day care for a few hours a day so that they would build on their social skills.
2. Attachment Parenting & Listening
Listen to your child (adopted or not), answer their questions, give them your undivided attention whenever possible.
* Every day I make it a point to give some quality time to my kids. It can be hard sometimes because we often think that there is something else we could or should be doing because it is important. But what’s more important than your kids and a few minutes of your time?
When they have a problem, I don’t just jump in and say “Here’s the solution” We discuss the problem and come up with solutions together. This way it builds their self-esteem and confidence, they trust that they can come to me and I will listen.
If they show interest in a topic it usually means that they want to learn about something, spend time with them. We go on the internet together if I do not have the answer, this often encourages even further research. It's great, we learn together!
They will respect you, just spending that quality time with them can mean so much. Be there for them at any time. Don’t ignore them or put off questions that can be answered within a couple of minutes.
3. Your Child Wants You to Watch Them as They Show You Something:
I get this a lot, “Mommy, watch this”, not so much anymore, as they are getting older, but what harm can it do to stop whatever you are doing. If they want you to come into another room and you are in the middle of doing something, simply tell them that once you are finished, you will be able to watch them for a couple of minutes longer.
They will usually agree and be happy that they are important enough to you that you will spend an extra couple of minutes watching them.
4. Recreation
Do things with them and take them places that they enjoy. This way they know that they must be pretty special to you if you are willing to spend your time taking them places.
If your child has previously been abused, make every effort to make them feel safe. Sometimes that means allowing them to make the first move. Coming to you first for a hug or peck on the cheek. For most any situation the best thing that you can do is to provide the safest, trusting, loving environment that you can.
Seeking advice from those that have gone through similar adoptions and talking one on one with professionals will be the most beneficial and safest course of action.
Remember, the more you arm yourself with knowledge, from those who know themselves, the more comfortable you will be thus, the more secure the child will feel.
**Most Importantly: Attachment parenting involves promoting parenting practices that create strong, healthy, emotional bonds between children and their parents. These practices nurture and fulfill a child’s need for trust, empathy, and affection, providing a lifelong foundation for healthy, enduring relationships.
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