Helping to Build Self-Esteem in Your Adopted Child

If you have adopted a child who is from a different racial background, or culture or from another country it doesn’t mean that your only responsibility to them is to JUST make them feel loved and special and providing a financially sound lifestyle.

It also means that they may need to learn a new language, new customs and a new family life. You will need to be patient and have the foresight to help your child build self-esteem despite any of the obvious difficulties they may face.

When adopting a child you will be responsible for helping them to make these adjustments along the way. Here are five areas to consider that will assist you in building their self-esteem.

Most children, especially if the child is from a different racial background, will often notice at a young age that they are different from you or their community. Children are not usually troubled by this, but it is probably a good time to build self-esteem and confidence in them as well as their connection with you by doing the following:

Discuss your child’s differences with them, even praise them, but also include in your discussion the similarities between them and your family. Their hair color or skin texture may be different, but your sense of humor or love of music can be shared.

For instance, sometimes, our girls will do or say something, and I’ll say to them, “Your just like your father,” because what they said or did was just like something their dad would say or do.

Even though these girls are not biologically ours, and we do not share any genetic similiarities, we certainly do have many other outside identifying similarities. And I never hesitate to mention it to them during the course of a day.

Introduce Multiple Cultures

When adopting a child (whether they are from a different background than you or not) you will want to introduce them to other cultures, it shows them that you appreciate other backgrounds.

You can include examples of other cultures by means of music, food, festivals and meeting people in your community.

Try and arrange a trip to your child’s birth country when they are old enough to enjoy the benefits and it is rewarding for everyone in the family. It will also give you a different perspective to be a minority in your child’s homeland.

Language Differences

By the time your child’s adoption is finalized, they may already be speaking the language of their nationality. You will then have the challenge of learning to communicate with them.

Children are like sponges and can quite easily learn your language, but you will probably want them to retain their original language as well.

It will be helpful for them to be around others who speak their language, maybe even adopting siblings or other children who speak their language. You could even learn their language yourself, either way these are all positive steps to maintaining that cultural link.

Be An Adult Role Model

Expect your child to look to you first as a role model. However, it may be beneficial if they have an adult acquaintance of a similar background if and when they face any trials of discrimination that you have never experienced.

Having a strong role model will assist your child in finding acceptance and teach them how to handle hardships. You may be there to hold, comfort and support them, but unless you are of the same nationality, you will never TRULY understand what exactly they are going through or how to handle rejection based on nationality or skin color.

We all want our children to be confident, but when your child is feeling different from their peers, their self-confidence can quickly crumble.

Build self-esteem and confidence in other areas of your child’s life as well, in order to help them to handle peer pressure no matter what their physical differences are. Encourage them to explore their talents and interests by enrolling them in classes and teams outside of school.

Be supportive when they express an interest to fit into peer groups. For example, some areas to consider may be clothing, recreation and activities.

Regardless of the steps you choose to take in order to ease your child's introduction to your family, community and culture. It is your unconditional love and devotion that will give your child a firm foundation on which to grow and blossom as an individual. A confident child will handle the issues of being different by knowing they have their families love and support.

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