Discipline and Punishment
What's the Difference?

Now let's take a look at an example of each:

Punishment

Any parent who uses punishment is missing out on the opportunity to teach their children better behaviors. When parents are only interested in compliance, they often impose strict and severe consequences to stop the unwanted behavior.

The Result of Punishment

This generally leaves the child not thinking about what they did wrong, but that they need to develop more appropriate behavior fast. Ultimately, they are left thinking about how unfair their parents are and the unwanted behavior will more than likely, only reoccur at another time.

Punishment only teaches a child to become better at not getting caught, rather than stopping the undesirable behavior.

For example, say you ground your child for being with friends who you disapprove of. They will probably be pretty upset about the grounding and attempt to go sneak out somehow. When this happens, it will then be necessary for you to become even more severe in your punishment to get back your control of the child.

Come to think of it, do we ever really have full control of our children. We can't be with them 24/7, they do have school and do we really know exactly what they are doing when they are out of our sight. So we may think we are controlling them when we ground them, but what happens when the grounding is lifted?

Discipline

OK, now let's look at what it might be like to teach self-discipline.

For example, Let's say your child has a habit of not abiding by their curfew. They agree to the curfew but then end up coming home late, spewing sincere apologies. Naturally, you want to ground them or make them come home even earlier the next time to make up for the infraction.

OR, you could try something else instead, like ask your child what they were doing that prevented them from being home on time? Or it might help if you believed them when they said that they lost track of time because they got involved in the basketball game they were playing with their friend. They tell you they meant to be home on time but simply lost track of time.

If your goal is to help teach self-discipline, wouldn't it make sense to help your child to find a way in which to keep track of the time. Be sure that before they leave the next time that they have a watch, cell phone, i-pod or something in which they can check the time.

During your conversation, you may even learn that your child feels that their curfew is no longer appropriate for their age. You could come to an agreement that if they learn to get in the habit of being on time then you will consider extending their curfew time accordingly.

The Result of Discipline

There are always several solutions for every situation and remember every child and every set of circumstances is unique. Take the time to talk to your child to determine why they are breaking the rules and then help them figure out a way to honor the rules and still get what they need in their lives.

When you do, you will have a much more harmonious home and your children will be learning self-discipline skills so that by the time they no longer live with you, you can be reasonably assured that they will be able to take care of themselves. After all, isn't that what you REALLY want?

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