Lifebooks: Every Adopted
Child Needs One

When you are adopted, lifebooks are one of the most precious pieces of info. you could ever obtain, whether it contains a few photos, or some other piece of detail.

“What is a lifebook?” In response to that question, “It’s probably the best gift you can ever give your adopted child.” A lifebook is a record of an adoptee’s life that uses photos, words, some of your child’s artwork, a few computer graphics, and other memorabilia.”

But it’s not just a life story. It’s your opportunity to honor every minute of your child’s life. A lifebook is kind of like an adoption security blanket. It helps to make talking about adoption feel like everyday conversation. It puts your child’s life story down on paper and is such an easy thing to do. The benefits are endless?

As you may know, I fostered my girls for the first 4 years of their lives. You can read the full story here. I began their lifebooks within the first month they came into my care.

They adore getting out their lifebooks occassionally, and together, we immerse ourselves in them for a couple of hours. We talk about the pics, captions, they read about what things they use to like to eat, play, watch, the list is endless. They read their history, how much they weighed at birth, where they were born and so forth.

Some families are a little apprehensive about doing a lifebook, though. You may not have much information about your child’s history and doing a lifebook can be time consuming.

Try to get whatever information you can (there are several creative ways to work with little or no information). It becomes even more important for a child to have a lifebook if there is little biological data available to them.

If you don’t have any information, then look to your child’s talents, maybe they inherited their artistic talents from that unknown birth father. There is always something about the child that you can include.

If your child has a lifebook to refer to occassionally, they will be less likely to allow their minds to wonder with magical thinking and fantasy. It will free them up to pay better attention in school and to be more able to focus on talents and interests. Better for a child to be out playing soccer or painting a picture than to be fantasizing endlessly about “what happened.”

LifeBooks are the ultimate teaching tool and they can save hours of therapy later in life. Give an explanation as to why your child was placed or discuss their countries conditions.

The “birthparent page” of a lifebook really helps out with those tough adolescent years when identity issues begin to peak. Help your child to feel proud of their own strengths and the strengths of their birth parents. The more your child knows, the more that s/he will feel “real.”

Some parents will argue “Our family is very open and always talks about adoption, so why write it down?” Because a book that you and your child can pick up and hold, gives the adoptee control over his/her own story. A child can look at it when the urge hits, without having to ask. It becomes symbolic for adoption discussion.

As well, the older a child gets, the more tools a family needs to communicate on adoption issues.

If you are starting to think that lifebooks are very powerful, you may be wondering where to begin. Here are a few suggestions from Dr. Vera Fahlberg, national adoption expert:

• start with the child’s birth

• always discuss the birth mother and birth father( even if you know nothing say that you don’t know)

• talk about the reason for separation from the biological family

You could always include the original birth certificate (if available). This official record always fascinates children of any age. Court papers or official records will suffice if no birth certificate is available.

Once you have laid the foundation of birth history, then add the fun part, the time when they joined your family. Don’t get caught up in creating the “perfect” lifebook. Lifebooks become worn and torn and more beautiful with age. The only real mistake you can make is never to begin.

The ultimate MAGIC to creating a treasured lifebook is to start it, work on it as a family, and give it your child. Even if it only has five pages, it is tangible proof to your child that s/he is precious enough to deserve this treasure.

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