Talking About Adoption with Your
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For some children this can be difficult for them to accept, especially if you wait too long or if they are older to begin with. They will probably ask questions about their birth parents and for some other information. If they do not receive it, they may be affected both emotionally and psychologically.
When is the Right Time?
So if you have an adopted child and are worried about the right time to reveal that they are adopted, then you should stop worrying and waiting and get down to it as soon as you can.
We told our girls about their adoption on the same day that we found out about it. We just told them the truth; that their parents loved them but were unable to look after them right now, so we would be their new mommy and daddy.
And yes, there were many questions and we answered them as honestly as possible. There were some questions that were harder to answer because we did not get much of a history about the parents. But we did our best and still do.
You can start talking about adoption even to your three-year-old child, but you should probably do it gradually. First, explain the adoption to your child, they will probably have a few questions, just answer them as best as you can.
Where did That Come From?
During their time of play they may unexpectedly bring up the subject again. Discuss it with them again even if you are repeating what you have previously told them. This may go on for a few weeks or months even years, but it is not a bad thing, they just want to understand and eventually they will grow to understand it all better.
Sometimes, just out of nowhere, my girls will ask a question like, "Where does their other mom live?" I cannot tell them the exact address, but I can tell them that she lives in an apartment building in a different city. When they are 18, together we will find out exactly where she is living if they would like to find her.
Be Consistent
So be consistent through the years as your child is growing. Discuss their adoption with them whenever they show interest and talk with them about their birth parents speaking well of them. You could mention any special skills, talents or other wonderful features the birth parents may have and then connect them to anything special that you find in your adopted child.
Be sure to stress to your child that their birth parents did the best they could and they wanted them to have a bright and secure future. If your adopted child was a foster child, be honest and tell them that their parents were unable to care for them financially, or they were just too young or whatever the reason and needed help.
Children's Adoption Books Can Help
It may help to purchase some of the children's books that are on the market today about this topic. You can then read them together and talk about how your adoption story relates to the one in the book, for example how you adopted your child and why they are special to you.
The key to successfully talking about adoption with your child is to show that them that they weren't just thrown away and taken up randomly. And whatever you do, do not lie to them.
As your child gets older, they might be more emotional toward the issue; they might also react differently to the concept of adoption. Be prepared to meet your child's expressions of grief and anger with your own expressions of love.
Encourage your child to speak their mind and let their feelings out. As long as you always show love, adoption can be easy to talk about with your adopted child.
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